"A long-time hold-out recently joined Facebook. This is my email to her:"
So you’ve joined the great juggernaut on the web. I thought I’d take the opportunity to reach out via our up/outdated post office correspondence.
How’s it going? What made you sign on with internet’s Great Satan? You know they’re constantly collecting data on us, right? OMG this video of a puppy will make your heart melt and you won’t believe what happens next.
So much garbage to wade through.
I just realized that it’s probably arrogant on my part to think that you have no idea how FB works. Perhaps you’ve been here for months and finally deemed me, a lowly plebe worthy of your attention. Somehow I doubt this though. See: Arrogance.
Anyway. I’ve got, like, a million friends on FB. They all say I’m hilarious.
Actually, that’s all Wife’s friends, who I barely know, who I see at parties some time who are like “you’re the funniest guy on FB” Truly, it’s tedious. Engage me, people. Add something to the conversation. I can’t be the funniest guy ever by myself.
But they never add to the convo.
Sometimes it seems like they say : “You’re here! Clown! Perform!”
I hate them so much.
So welcome aboard. Please please pleez like and fave everything i post. It feeds my soul. Makes me feel like commenting on my shit life is worth something.
Also, I love you.